Operation find a friend!

Seven months into my Korean adventure I’m facing one of the harshest (from my perspective) realities of expatriate life: bidding farewell to other transient expats when our foreign journeys diverge. This week I escorted my good friend Jessica to Incheon International Airport where she departed Korea after a nearly five-year tenure as a Seoul sister.

As Jessica took off into the skies, heading ultimately for Canada where she will pursue a career in economic and community development, I felt like my own flight was commencing. Walking away from her after our last hug goodbye, I could practically hear the cheesy, upbeat, “You can do it!” music playing in my head as I imagined myself a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. Jessica showed me the ropes during my first seven months in this country and now I’m being set free to see how I do on my own.

The last couple weeks have been a frenzy of emotion, awaiting Jessica’s imminent departure and thinking about how much my routine will change one she’s gone. Watching a friend go has never been quite this difficult because there have always been other friends or family to turn to. It sounds pathetic, but I don’t really have other good friends in Korea. Part of that is my own fault; not taking the time amid a busy work schedule and other things I need and want to do to get out and meet more people. But in the opportunities I have taken to socialize with new and varied groups, I’ve found that it’s very difficult to find people with whom I relate. Most foreign English speakers around my age in Seoul are here spreading their wings, not taking their job (which is usually teaching English) all that seriously, and living the kind of lifestyle I left back in the Champaign-Urbana campustown. Few 25 year-old expatriates are pursuing what I’d call a career in Seoul. I’m here as a professional, doing something I’ve been preparing and training for since before the age of 18. At first, even Jessica had a difficult time understanding why I won’t be able to leave Korea without my next career move solidly in place. So, it’s not difficult to find fellow Americans or English speakers, but beyond the casual niceties of conversational banter, I find our mindsets are often worlds apart. This is why meeting someone like Jessica, who was so fervently preparing herself for a similar chapter in her life, was fortuitous. That’s also why it’s so hard to see her go. I can just hear my Dad say, “Well, when you decide to live half-way around the world in a foreign country, you have be prepared to deal with things like this. You aren’t there permanently, and chances are, the people you befriend aren’t either.”

It sounds very strange to say, “I need to start looking for a new friend.” As someone who has, thankfully, never been at a loss for close friends, shopping for a new one is unchartered territory. I keep thinking about all the times I’ve urged my single friends in pursuit of love to, “Just go hang out at a coffee shop! You’re bound to meet someone there!” Now I’m finding it’s easier said than done, even when you’re only looking for friendship. During a recent visit to Starbucks the only English conversations I overheard were either incessant, bitter railings about Korea (for which I have no patience—if you don’t like it, leave!) and a discussion which included the misogynous proclamation, “You show me the most beautiful woman in the world and I’ll show you a guy who’s tired of putting up with her sh@&!” Charming. Maybe we should be friends and go out for Korean BBQ together.

The good news is, as the spring weather draws people to the streets like ants spilling from a hill, it’s a good time to explore the city, learn a few new bus routes, and keep my eyes and ears perked for potential friends. I could always start out with the line, “You show me the most handsome man in the world and I’ll buy you a cup of coffee.”